Ego

Thanks to Senthil Kumaran

Ego

There was once a learned scientist. After a lot of practice and efforts, he developed a formula and learned the art of reproducing himself. He did it so perfectly that it was impossible to tell the reproduction from the original.

One day while doing his research, he realized that the Angel of Death was searching for him. In order to remain immortal he reproduced a dozen copies of himself. The reproduction was so meticulous that all of them looked exactly like him. Now when this Angel of Death came down, he was at a loss to know which of the thirteen before him was the original scientist, and confused, he left them all alone and returned back to heaven.  But, not for long, for being an expert in human nature, the Angel came up with a clever idea.

 

He said to the scientist addressing all thirteen of them, "Sir, you must be a genius to have succeeded in making such perfect reproduction formula of yourself. However, I have discovered a flaw in your work, just one tiny little flaw." The scientist immediately jumped out and shouted, "Impossible! where is the flaw?" "Right here" said the Angel, as he picked up the scientist from among the reproductions and carried him off. The whole purpose of the scientist and his formula of reproduction failed as he could not control his pride and lost his life.

So while one’s Knowledge and Skills takes one to the top of the ladder and makes one successful, however the three letter word "EGO" can pull one down immediately. Let go one’s Ego.

 

 

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What Goes Around Comes Around !!

Thanks to Gayatri Hosangadi

What Goes Around Comes Around !!

 

One day a man saw an old lady, stranded on the side of the road, but even in the dim light of day, he could see she needed help. So he pulled up in front of her Mercedes and got out. His Pontiac was still sputtering when he approached her. Even with the smile on his face, she was worried. No one had stopped to help for the last hour or so. Was he going to hurt her? He didn't look safe; he looked poor and hungry.
He could see that she was frightened, standing out there in the cold. He knew how she felt It was that chill which only fear can put in you.

He said, 'I'm here to help you, ma'am. Why don't you wait in the car where it's warm? By the way, my name is Bryan Anderson.'

Well, all she had was a flat tire, but for an old lady, that was bad enough.. Bryan crawled under the car looking for a place to put the jack, skinning his knuckles a time or two. Soon he was able to change the tire. But he had to get dirty and his hands hurt.

As he was tightening up the lug nuts, she rolled down the window and began to talk to him. She told him that she was from St. Louis and was only just passing through. She couldn't thank him enough for coming to her aid.

Bryan just smiled as he closed her trunk. The lady asked how much she owed him. Any amount would have been all right with her. She already imagined all the awful things that could have happened had he not stopped. Bryan never thought twice about being paid. This was not a job to him. This was helping someone in need, and God knows there were plenty, who had given him a hand in the past. He had lived his whole life that way, and it never occurred to him to act any other way.

He told her that if she really wanted to pay him back, the next time she saw someone who needed help, she could give that person the assistance they needed, and Bryan added, 'And think of me.'

He waited until she started her car and drove off. It had been a cold and depressing day, but he felt good as he headed for home, disappearing into the twilight.

A few miles down the road the lady saw a small cafe. She went in to grab a bite to eat, and take the chill off before she made the last leg of her trip home. It was a dingy looking restaurant. Outside were two old gas pumps. The whole scene was unfamiliar to her. The waitress came over and brought a clean towel to wipe her wet hair. She had a sweet smile, one that even being on her feet for the whole day couldn't erase. The lady noticed the waitress was nearly eight months pregnant, but she never let the strain and aches change her attitude. The old lady wondered how someone who had so little could be so giving to a stranger. Then she remembered Bryan.

After the lady finished her meal, she paid with a hundred dollar bill. The waitress quickly went to get change for her hundred dollar bill, but the old lady had slipped right out the door. She was gone by the time the waitress came back. The waitress wondered where the lady could be. Then she noticed something written on the napkin.

There were tears in her eyes when she read what the lady wrote: 'You don't owe me anything. I have been there too. Somebody once helped me out, the way I'm helping you. If you really want to pay me back, here is what you do: Do not let this chain of love end with you.'

Under the napkin were four more $100 bills.

Well, there were tables to clear, sugar bowls to fill, a nd people to serve, but the waitress made it through another day. That night when she got home from work and climbed into bed, she was thinking about the money and what the lady had written. How could the lady have known how much she and her husband needed it? With the baby due next month, it was going to be hard...

She knew how worried her husband was, and as he lay sleeping next to her, she gave him a soft kiss and whispered soft and low, 'Everything's going to be all right. I love you, Bryan Anderson.'

There is an old saying 'What goes around comes around.' Today you make someone smile, someone else will be a reason for your smile. Today, you be helpful to someone, someone else will be helpful to you

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Change that matters

 

Thanks to V.S.Velayudan

 

Change that matters

 

A few years ago, British Rail had a real fall-off in business. Looking for marketing answers, they went searching for a new ad agency - one that could deliver an ad campaign that would bring their customers back.

When the British Rail executives went to the offices of a prominent London ad agency to discuss their needs, they were met by a very rude receptionist, who insisted that they wait.

Finally, an unkempt person led them to a conference room - a dirty, scruffy room cluttered with plates of stale food. The executives were again, left to wait. A few agency people drifted in and out of the room, basically ignoring the executives who grew impatient by the minute. When the execs tried to ask what was going on, the agency people brushed them off and went about their work.

 

Eventually, the execs had enough. As they angrily started to get up, completely disgusted with the way they'd been treated, one of the agency people finally showed up.

"Gentlemen," he said, "your treatment here at our Agency is not typical of how we treat our clients - in fact, we've gone out of our way to stage this meeting for you. We've behaved this way to point out to you what it's like to be a customer of British Rail. Your real problem at British Rail isn't your advertising, it's your people. We suggest you let us address your employee attitude problem before we attempt to change your advertising."

The British Rail executives were shocked - but the agency got the account! The agency had the remarkable conviction to point out the problem because it knew exactly what needed to change.

 

As Yogi Berra once said... "Before we build a better mousetrap, we need to find out if there are any mice out there."

 

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Puppy Size

Thanks to Kiran Shanmugam

Puppy Size

 

'Danielle keeps repeating it over and over again.  We've been back to this animal shelter at least five times. It has been weeks now since we started all of this,' the mother told the volunteer. ‘What is it she keeps asking for?' the volunteer asked.  ‘Puppy size!' replied the mother.

 

'Well, we have plenty of puppies, if that's what she's looking for.'   ‘I know... we have seen most of them,' the mom said in frustration...Just then Danielle came walking into the office. 'Well, did you find one?' asked her mom.  'No, not this time,' Danielle said with sadness in her voice.  'Can we come back on the weekend?' The two women looked at each other, shook their heads and laughed ‘You never know when we will get more dogs.  Unfortunately, there's always a supply,' the volunteer said. Danielle took her mother by the hand and headed to the door.  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll find one this weekend,' she said.

 

Over the next few days, both Mom and Dad had long conversations with her. They both felt she was being too particular.  'It's this weekend or we’re not looking any more,' Dad finally said in frustration. ‘We don’t want to hear anything more about puppy size, either,' Mom added. Sure enough, they were the first ones in the shelter on Saturday morning. By now Danielle knew her way around, so she ran right for the section that housed the smaller dogs. Tired of the routine, mom sat in the small waiting room at the end of the first row of cages.  There was an observation window so you could see the animals during times when visitors weren’t permitted.

 

Danielle walked slowly from cage to cage, kneeling periodically to take a closer look.  One by one the dogs were brought out and she held each one.One by one she said, 'Sorry, but you're not the one.' It was the last cage on this last day in search of the perfect pup. The volunteer opened the cage door and the child carefully picked up the dog and held it closely.  This time she took a little longer. 'Mom, that’s it!  I found the right puppy!  He's the one!  I know it!' She screamed with joy. 

 

'It's the puppy size!'  ‘But it’s the same size as all the other puppies you held over the last few weeks,' Mom said... ‘No not size... THE SIGHS.  When I held him in my arms, he sighed,’ she said.

 

‘Don’t you remember? When I asked you one day what love is, you told me love depends on the sighs of your heart.  The more you love, the bigger the sigh!' The two women looked at each other for a moment.  Mom didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.  As she stooped down to hug the child, she did a little of both. 'Mom, every time you hold me, I sigh.  When you and Daddy come home from work and hug each other, you both sigh.  I knew I would find the right puppy if it sighed when I held it in my arms,' she said. Then, holding the puppy up close to her face, she said, 'Mom, he loves me. I heard the sighs of his heart!'

 

Close your eyes for a moment and think about the love that makes you sigh. I not only find it in the arms of my loved ones, but in the caress of a sunset, the kiss of the moonlight and the gentle brush of cool air on a hot day. They are the sighs of God. Take the time to stop and listen; you will be surprised at what you hear. ‘Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.' 

 

I hope your life is filled with Sighs!!!

 

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Wedding Passbook

 

Thanks to Mayilraj Kalimuthu

 

Wedding Passbook

Monica married Hitesh this day. At the end of the wedding party, Monica's mother gave her a newly opened bank saving passbook. With Rs.1000 deposit amount.    

Mother: 'Monica, take this passbook. Keep it as a record of your marriage   life. When there's something happy and memorable happened in your new   life, put some money in. Write down what it's about next to the line. The more memorable the event is, the more money you can put in. I've done the first one for you today. Do the others with Hitesh.When you look back after years, you can know how much happiness you've had.'   

Monica shared this with Hitesh when getting home. They both thought it was a great idea and were anxious to know when the second deposit can be made. This was what they did after certain time: 

·         7 Feb: Rs.100, first birthday celebration for Hitesh after marriage

·         1 Mar: Rs.300, salary raise for Monica  

·         20 Mar: Rs.200, vacation trip to Bali   

·         15 Apr: Rs.2000, Monica got pregnant  

·         1 Jun: Rs.1000, Hitesh got promoted  

·         ..... and so on...  

However, after years, they started fighting and arguing for trivial things.They didn't talk much. They regretted that they had married the nastiest people in the world.... no more love...Kind of typical nowadays, huh?

One day Monica talked to her Mother: 'Mom, we can't stand it anymore. We agree to divorce. I can't imagine how I decided to marry this guy!!!'  

Mother: 'Sure, girl, that's no big deal. Just do whatever you want if you really can't stand it. But before that, do one thing first. Remember the saving passbook I gave you on your wedding day? Take out all money and spend it first. You shouldn't keep any record of such a poor marriage.'  

Monica thought it was true. So she went to the bank, waiting at the queue and planning to cancel the account. While she was waiting, she took a look at the passbook record. She looked, and looked, and looked. Then the memory of all the previous joy and happiness just came up her mind. Her eyes were then filled with tears. She left and went home.  

When she was home, she handed the passbook to Hitesh, asked him to spend the money before getting divorce.

The next day, Hitesh gave the passbook back to Monica. She found a new deposit of Rs.5000. And a line next to the record: 'This is the day I notice how much I've loved you thru out all these years. How much happiness you've brought me.'  

They hugged and cried, putting the passbook back to the safe. Do you know how much money they had saved when they retired? I did not ask. I believe the money did not matter any more after they had gone thru all the good years in their life.  

"When you fall in any way, don’t see the place where you fell instead see the place from where you slipped. Life is about correcting mistakes." 

 

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Attitude Matters!

 

Thanks to Suma Iyengar

Attitude Matters!

 

One evening a Swamiji of Sri Ramakrishna Mutt was addressing the participants on the concept of work culture. One of the participants asked the following question to the Swamiji:

 

"I am a senior manager of Materials Department and I joined an organization 25 years ago as an  Engineer Trainee and over the last 25 years I have gone through very experience in the organization and I am now the senior manager looking after the material function independently. During the

initial part of my career, the job was very challenging and interesting. Every day was exciting and I looked forward to each day with lot of interest. However, all those exciting days are gone since I do  not find my joy any more interesting because there is nothing new in my job. As I have seen and

handled every conceivable situation there is no more challenges in my work. I am now feeling bored because I am doing a routine job. However, Swamiji, I am living in the same house for over forty years, I am the son for the same parents for over forty five years, I am the father for the same children for the past ten years and the husband for the same lady for the past twenty years. In these personal roles I do not feel bored and the passage of time has not taken away the zeal from me.  Please tell me why I am bored of the routine in the office and not in the house?"

 

This was a very interesting question and everyone was very anxious and curious to know what the Swamiji had to say!!

 

The response from him was very interesting and convincing. He asked the executive the question: "Please tell me for whom does your Mother cook ?" The executive replied that obviously the mother cooks for others. 

 

Then the Swamiji said that the mother "Serves" others and because of this service mindedness, she is not feeling tired or bored. But in an office, we "Work" and not "Serve". Anything we consider, as service will not make us feel bored. That is difference between "Serving" and "Working". 

 

He asked the executive to consider his work as service and not merely a work!! This was a very interesting analysis!!  Whenever you put a larger context around your work and see a broader meaning for your work, you will take interest in your work. An awareness of larger purpose of your job and an appreciation of its importance will make a very big difference in your internal energy. You should believe that you are here for a purpose and should believe in the spiritual context of your role. Attitude Matters!!!

 

If you think you are working for the organization you will get frustrated. If you feel you are doing a service and getting some service charges you will feel happy. It is just a paradigm shift that is required. 

 

Have a positive approach, Take interest in working and make the work a PLEASURE.

 

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Thanks to V.S Velayudan

Needed Always Positive Thinking

Positive thinking is a mental attitude that anticipates happiness, success and favorable outcomes in every situation or action you do. The thoughts get registered in your subconscious mind and you start taking action to create favorable change. A positive outlook can help you to cope better with stressful situations and can change your life for the better.     Why think positively? Ever wondered why some people find learning an enjoyable and exciting experience? Why are some people disinterested and find it an unpleasant experience while others use it merely as a road to fetch a good job? The difference between these people lies in their attitude and their approach towards life. Your mindset plays a huge role in every aspect of your life. Your mind can control your body for better or for worse. A negative mindset can mar your life while a positive mindset can make your life happy and peaceful. The choice is yours!     Ways to develop positive thinking You cannot change your thoughts and attitude overnight. Positive thinking takes practice. Persistence would make your mind to think positively and ignore negative thoughts. Benefits of positive thinking Decreases stress. Helps you cope better in stressful situations. Strengthens your Immune System and reduces the risk of certain diseases. Improves your self-esteem and confidence. Brings inner peace, happiness and a sense of well-being. Motivates you to accomplish your goals. Helps you have greater inner strength and energy. Helps you live longer. Listen to your inner voice Listening to your inner voice or instincts is one of the most common ways to develop positive thinking. Whenever any negative thoughts enter your mind, try to replace it with a constructive one. For example, “I won’t be able to do it” will be put forward as “I will do it”. Practice this regularly and you will soon be able to master your mind. Learn to meditate Meditation calms your mind and relaxes your body Meditation gives you inner strength, peace of mind, relaxation and a sense of bliss, which will help you to think positively.     Always see the brighter side of life Try to believe that everything happens for a reason and embrace the concept that something good will come out of every situation that momentarily seems bad. Always look on the bright side of life and it will work wonders for you. Learn to communicate effectively Not saying the things you feel can give a sense of frustration, anxiety and anger, thus giving way to negative thoughts. Hence, communication is an important aspect of positive thinking. Believe in yourself Believe in yourself and your capabilities to become more confident. Make a positive commitment to yourself and to the people around you. Praise yourself and be enthusiastic. Tips to positive thinking   Be optimistic and expect favorable outcomes in every situation. Cultivate the habit of reading inspiring books. Find reasons to smile more often. It’s a great stress buster. Try to use positive words, e.g. “I can”, “it will be done”, “it is possible” while thinking and talking. Engage yourself in enjoyable recreational activities. Interact with people who have a positive outlook in life.     Finally… Positive thinking needs consistent effort as you are creating a new habit. On the other hand, negative thoughts can rip your focus from your goal. There is no greater joy than living a healthy and positive life. So take charge of your mind and think positive   COMPILED BY DR.RP.

 

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A Girl and her mother in law

 

 

 

 

Thanks to  Ramesha Shamanna  and Lakshmi Srinivasan

                                                  

A Girl and her mother in law

 

A long time ago in China , a girl named Li-Li got married & went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.

 

Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly.Days passed, and weeks passed. Li-Li and her mother-in-law never stopped

arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor husband’d great distress.

 

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-! law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it! Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs.

She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all.

 

Mr. Huang thought for awhile, and finally said, "Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you."

 

Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do."Mr.Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these herbs in her serving.

 

Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspect you, when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. "Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy.

 

She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law. Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother.  After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with.

 

The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter.

 

Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again She said, "Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law.

She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."

 

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."

 

HAVE YOU REALIZED that how you treat others is exactly how they will treat you? There is a wise Chinese saying: "The person who loves others will also be loved in return." God might be trying to work in another person's life

through you. and spread the POWER OF LOVE.

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Successful Couples

Thanks to Madhu Priyah Sankaran

Successful Couples

 

A man and his girlfriend were married.  It was a large celebration. All of their friends and family came to see the lovely ceremony and to partake of the festivities and celebrations.  A wonderful time was had by all. The bride was gorgeous in her white wedding gown and the groom was very dashing in his black tuxedo. Everyone could tell that the love they had for each other was true.

A few months later, the wife comes to the husband with a proposal: “I read in a magazine, a while ago, about how we can strengthen our marriage.” she offered.

“Each of us will write a list of the things that we find a bit annoying with the other person. Then, we can talk about how we can fix them together and make our lives happier together.”

The husband agreed.  So each of them went to a separate room in the house and thought of the things that are annoyed them about the other.  They thought about this question for the rest of the day and wrote down what they came up with. The next morning, at the breakfast table, they decided that they would go over their lists..

“I’ll start,” offered the wife.  She took out her list.  It had many items on it.  Enough to fill 3 pages in fact. As she started reading the list of the little annoyances, she noticed that tears were starting to appear in her husband’s eyes.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“Nothing” the husband replied, “Keep reading your list...”

The wife continued to read until she had read all three pages to her husband.  She neatly placed her list on the table and folded her hands over top of it.  “Now, you read your list and then we’ll talk about the things on both of our lists.”  She said happily.

Quietly the husband stated, “I don’t have anything on my list. I think that you are perfect the way that you are. I don’t want you to change anything for me. You are lovely and wonderful and I wouldn’t want to try and change anything about you.”

The wife, touched by his honesty and the depth of his love for her and his acceptance of her, turned her head and wept.

IN LIFE, there are enough times when we are disappointed, depressed and annoyed. We don’t really have to go looking for them. We have a wonderful world that is full of beauty, light and promise. Why waste time in this world looking for the bad, disappointing or annoying when we can look around us, and see the wondrous things before us..?

I believe that WE ARE HAPPIEST WHEN we see and praise the good and try our best to forget the bad. Nobody’s perfect but we can find perfectness in them to change the way we see them.

- We are not trying to condone what is bad. Correction does much, but encouragement does more.

 

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A Girl and Cunning Moneylender

Thanks to Madhu Priyah Sankaran

A Girl and Cunning Moneylender

Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender. The Moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful Daughter. So he proposed a bargain. He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his Daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the Proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let Providence decide the matter.

 

He told them that he would put a black Pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag. Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.

 

1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.

 

2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.

 

3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into Jail.

 

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two Black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag. Now, imagine that you were standing in the field. What would you have done if you were the girl? If you had to advise her, what would you have told her? Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

 

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

 

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.

 

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

 

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with Traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers, what would you recommend to the Girl to do? Well, here is what she did....

 

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

 

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

 

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one.

 

Moral of The Story: Most complex problems do have a solution. It is only that we don't attempt to think.

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Power of Positive Thought

Thanks to Many Positive Minds J

Power of Positive Thought – By Dr.APJ. Abdul Kalam

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success. One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high. My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree.. I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did. Fall. My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly. This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball. My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win.. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career. Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do. Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil. The point is made. If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar. If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite." People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary. My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism. These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children. Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction. So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc." If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue. Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words. Notice when you or other people use them. Ø But: Negates any words that are stated before it. Ø Try: Presupposes failure. Ø If: Presupposes that you may not. Ø Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.. Ø Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen. Ø Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.) Ø Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen. Ø Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error. Examples: Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!" Likely result: Drops the ball Better language: "Catch the ball!" Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television." Likely result: Watches more television. Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!" Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

 

 

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